The road ahead

Richie spent the night again, we shared the pull out bed but intimacy wasn't there. It wasn't like a few years ago, things weren't the same. I knew that but I still wished they could be the same. I still loved him, even though I know I was only ever a one night stand to him. Nothing was supposed to happen from that one night. I'm glad that it did happen, I wouldn't wish Harrison away but things were definitely different.

Tomorrow morning Richie would leave again, the short European tour was over and he wouldn't be able to visit in between days anymore. He had his own life to continue with for a few weeks.

Applications for passports were sent in and Richie was going to make sure to follow up with me and Harrison. We agreed to skype a few times a week. Right now, I hope it won't bring up my internet bill too much. Life was already stressful enough.


The next morning Richie left for the airport, we said goodbye at my flat. Our goodbye was short but saying goodbye to Harrison took him longer. He hugged and cuddled him, gave him a couple gentle kisses and told him he loved him before he finally walked away.

I'm still amazed at how much and how easily he has accepted this change in his life. Especially such a big change but I'm glad he's there for Harry and I'm excited to go to L.A. at the end of the summer for a visit. I need to save money before we go. I don't want to spend less time with Harry but I need the money so I don't have to depend on Richie for every single thing. I'm an independent woman and it's not fair to rely on him for all of the stuff I might need while there. So I'm picking up extra hours at the coffee shop and looking into finding a second job for a few hours a week.

Richie left. It's only been a few weeks but the flat feels a little emptier without him. Harry makes himself noticed and I walk over to him to cuddle, my baby boy. My one year old, he just keeps growing, it's amazing. Every day he reminds me a little more of his daddy. I wonder what he'll be like in a few years or as a teenager but with life changing right now, I don't know how to imagine him anymore. Maybe Richie will have a huge impact on his life that I wouldn't have been able to give him otherwise.

Either way, Harrison is still the most important person in my life and I'm glad his father sees him in the same way.

Doubts

Maybe we should have discussed the situation a little more before deciding to change the birth certificate and giving Richie all the legal rights as a father.

As it was, I probably did not have the greatest case for custody. Harrison was a healthy boy and had everything he needed but was if a judge decided I didn't have the money to raise him and gave custody to the father he hardly knew. Was that a possibility?

Would Richie do that to me? He wanted me to come to Los Angeles, he never said he only wanted Harrison to come. I couldn't leave him either way, he was tiny and couldn't even walk or talk yet.

I had to trust the situation and go for it. Richie deserved his son and with custody happening, he might have to pay some child support. Not that I would admit needing it but it would be helpful and nice to get Harrison a few new things.

I signed the birth certificate and slid it over the desk back to get its official stamp. Harrison finally got his daddy.

As we walked out, with a new birth certificate, Richie asked his question again. "What does Harrison need?"

I sighed and finally gave in, showing Richie to the nearest baby shop instead of the charity shop.

By the time we got home, Harrison had a couple new outfits, new toys and stuffed animals and a new bedding set for his cot. Along with the basics of nappys, wipes and baby shampoo. A supply to last me at least til the end of the summer, by which time we were hopefully going on our trip anyway.

I knew I had way too many things for Harrison but it made his father happy and seeing the exact same twinkly happy eyes with the cute smile was what I loved in both of them.